Being a Mom has changed me.
It has changed me in all of the best ways. I have NEVER been a morning person. I dreaded waking up and getting my day started - hated leaving the comfort of my bed and the the warmth of the blankets. I dealt with bouts of depression. I'm not good enough - My photography sucks - I'll never be successful - No one will want to hang out with me - I will fail at being a wife today. Those are the thoughts that I used to struggle with some mornings. I am a huge believer in "A body in motion stays in motion and a body at rest stays at rest." I was constantly resting because I think subconsciously I was so afraid of failure that I didn't want to even put in effort. I lived my life working 9-5 jobs to "support" my "dream" job but deep down inside I knew I couldn't be successful so I never even tried to go full time with my photography.
Then my husband, the most wonderful man ever - saw more in me than I ever saw in myself. He made me quit my job, pushed me to take steps to follow my dreams and supported me in every way possible. Slowly I started building my business - and I wasn't failing! It was an incredible feeling. Being able to help support our family doing photography alone was so fulfilling.
Then along came Everly. I can't even get through writing the rest of this without crying.
Ya'll - children are truly the biggest gift from God. I will never be able to adequately put down in words how this baby has changed me and made me not just a better person - but the person I've was always supposed to be. She has helped me to completely step into my calling. I could go on..but I digress.
Let me say this - I've had the PAST TWO YEARS before her arrival to get my website designed and running and to really put my head in the game and yet I was still so scared to give it my all. Literally a week after she was born it was like a fire was lit within me. I needed to be everything I could be, to the best of my ability, not just for me but for HER. I wanted to be the best example of a successful, driven, kind and generous woman for her. I had to be. And so two weeks after she was born I sat down at the computer while she was napping and designed my website. In 2 days. BAM - it was done!
She is my little muse. I have been more motivated, more inspired and more full of joy than I ever have been in my life. And now, I am busier than ever! I am no longer afraid to fail because I know that not trying IS failing and I don't want to be that kind of example for my daughter. I want her to know that she can run headfirst into her dreams and passions and that in itself will help her succeed.
So long are the days of my morning struggles. Now every morning I have a new little routine. I gently say good morning until she opens her little eyes and she smiles at me. I untuck her from her swaddle and slowly help her stretch out her arms and legs and she coos and wrinkles her nose. And then we snuggle - and let me tell ya'll something those snuggles are the most inspiring and life affirming snuggles you'll ever get. I no longer dread the day but look forward to it with joy and inspiration. All because of her - with her little hands and little feet - she's helping me be all that I can be.